Dealing with the Stage Fright of Weightloss… Here's the Tool for You.

I mentioned in the last post that one of the biggest hurdles I run into with clients is actually our relationship to our fear.

It keeps us stuck… sometimes for years.

Which is totally understandable.

Fear is there to keep you safe. 

You need it and yet, if it’s keeping you too safe (and playing smaller than you were created to) you may be ready for a new way to interact with it. 

Sometimes even “positive” changes, like weight loss, can spark this fear response and it is enough to make you want to run and hide… under your old body type.

The fear of being seen isn’t something we talk about often in the weight loss world and, in my opinion, that’s a shame.

As someone that struggled for years to be seen, I totally get it… it’s that sinking feeling of standing naked on stage… open to the potential judgement, criticism, humiliation… it feels raw.

As your body changes, you will start to experience comments (you know, you’ve lost weight before).

People will have an opinion- sometimes kind, other times, more abrasive- and sometimes you will have to deal with something you’ve not before… attraction.

New attention, especially if it feels unwanted or unfamiliar, is enough to keep you in hiding.

It’s a knee-jerk protective response, no need to be embarrassed about it.

I’ve heard it over and over again from clients through the years...

Their marriage dynamics would shift if they lost weight- their husbands would be acting more attracted to them- they would have the confidence to show up differently not only relationally, but creatively and that feels vulnerable.

This is why I love helping women with their weight loss… and their relationships.. they are so interconnected and both can be more nourishing with some minor shifts.

It takes courage to put a new version of yourself “out there” and if we’re not building up this resilience along the way, I can almost guarantee relapse- the vulnerable feelings of doing something new will lead you back to your “normal weight”… you know, the one you haven’t been able to get below.

But if we could see this differently- lower the stakes a little- so it doesn’t have to feel quite so scary… you may be able to tolerate the experiences, celebrate the progress you are making, and even allow that to take the stage as the star of your own life with more ease.

Here’s what to do about the fear that comes up when you find yourself in a new experience (even a positive one, like your goal weight). 

This may take some practice but I totally believe you can do it- it’s incredibly simple.

My favorite strategy is to fall on the floor. 

Lie down, flat on the floor.

Notice the floor beneath your body and allow your body to soften. 

Imagine you’re “receiving support” from the floor, like you’re on a pool float or being cupped by a giant hand… something that is intentionally there to support your body. 

Allow your body to soften even more and notice the feeling of the carpet or air on your skin. 

Now go inside… what’s going on in your inner experience? 

Are you feeling your heart race? 

Do you have tension in your head or shoulders? 

Do you feel… afraid? numb?

And instinctively you may feel like you need to jump into action but I can tell you that is not needed right now.

It’s totally normal to feel this way- you’ve never been here before. 

You don’t have to “do” anything. 

Just “be” here, feel the sensations and the feelings. 

The wanting to “do” and fix is almost always the culprit for the behaviors that lead you in the opposite direction.

See if you can just lie here and notice your experience instead of jumping into “fix it” mode.

Often, for me, I’ll feel bored or get a hit of inspiration and be back on track… after only 10-15 minutes on the floor. 

What this is doing is letting your whole nervous system settle. 

When you’re in distress your body has a built in fight or flight system to allow you to take care of yourself in dangerous situations...

Your prefrontal cortex (the adult part of our brain we need for creative ideas and solutions) goes offline and we are left in a reactive state. 

But this exercise is so powerful because we can force-close the fight or flight response by simply practicing settling and you may be surprised just how creative and ingenious your solutions actually are.     

Another benefit of this “fall on the floor” tool is that, in that relaxed state, you are available to ask for things from a calm place. 

Not a state of emergency. 

Which makes the likelihood of your request being fulfilled higher as well as the chances of you asking for the most appropriate next step. 

When you can be clear of what you need most proximally, that piece of the puzzle just “happens” to show up. 

It feels like magic and yet, I truly believe it has more to do with the state of your nervous system... 

What do you think?

Give it a try next time you feel yourself backsliding.

You were put in the world with a gift, we’d all love for you to share it and I’d love to help how I can.

From the floor,

Courtney