The Real Reason New Year's Resolutions Fail (And What to Do Instead)

Believe it or not, the willingness to be in uncertainty is actually the reason so many New Year’s Resolutions fail. Most people have a basic idea of how to get “so far”, and in order to get beyond that, it requires a new version of them (they haven’t met yet so it triggers a similar experience of meeting someone new for the first time).

This version of them needs to come online by mid-February ;P.

What we don’t talk about in the “New Year’s Resolution” culture is the fact that evolution is scary, especially when it’s yours (or someone else you’re intimately connected to) because we can’t predict (or control) how that version of ourselves will respond.

Having spoken to thousands of people through the years, I think many of them understand that not keeping their New Year’s Resolution is a symptom of an inner problem but many assume it’s because they lack the “willpower” to keep going. 

What they don’t see is that they may actually be avoiding their own evolution.

This often is not conscious (although sometimes it can be). 

Typically, this is an unconscious way of keeping some part of themselves safe. 

(After all, what is known is more familiar than what is unknown). 

What someone needs to know when they find their “mid-February stall out” sabotaging their goals is that they can trust the next version of them. It’s time to pass the baton and see what “she” can do.

There is part of you that is resilient and creative, able to make powerful decisions that take you further than you’ve ever been. 

You just haven’t met “her” yet. 

The reason many of us struggle to pass the baton is that it forces us to face the unknown and we tend to use data from our past as evidence of our potential. This makes it difficult to relax and therefore we brace for failure instead of staying present. 

But what if you could pave the way for the next version of yourself with your words? 

If you could speak to the most empowered version of “her” and trust “her” ability to figure it out. 

This would free your current self up to stay present with what is (the emotions, situations that support the status quo, and the gaps in knowledge) and build the habits, systems, and structure in your life that your future success will need. 

I was having a conversation last week about what it means to “trust yourself” and I was reminded of an equation I saw (I wish I could give credit because it’s genius imo): 

Trust = Consistency

               Time

The reality is, the future version of you will likely have new data on which to base decisions but that doesn’t mean we can’t trust “them”. What often stands in the way is the glass ceiling we’ve hit (multiple times usually) before. 

In order to get beyond that, we have to face the part of us that is most scared to die (the “hard worker”, the “reliable friend”, the “dutiful daughter”, etc) so that it can mature. 

When it comes to the subconscious, it is easy to overlook because bringing this information into consciousness can bring up uncomfortable sensations- like discomfort, disappointment, loneliness, uncertainty, etc.- that most of us are not taught how to digest. And so it is easier to leave them alone than create space to integrate them.

In the line of work I do, many of our subconscious memories are held in the body as sensations that, when explored safely, can be supported and released over time causing less reaction to their presence. 

Examples of this can be the anxiety that triggers panic or hopelessness when stepping on the scale, or uncertainty at parties that triggers a hunger-like sensation causing us to overeat. Or the tension in our chest when things didn’t play out the way we’d hoped that causes us to interpret our efforts as “not enough” and make giving up more palatable. 

A simple mindfulness tool I use with my clients is to notice the sensation. For example, observe its qualities- is it sharp, prickly, blob-like, sticky, tight, fluttering, etc. 

This is important because it is easier to “unhook” from the story we tell about the sensation when we use these types of descriptions. (It is a further “jump” from the “prickly sensation in my shoulders” to “he’s making me angry”). 

When we have a connection to our body, on a sensory level, it becomes easier to “trust yourself” because each time you respond to the sensations, you meet a need. The more needs you meet, the less risky it feels to listen to them. And the more attuned you are to listen to your needs, the better able you are to show up for yourself in ways that build internal trust.

As you build trust now, you will be more willing to set the next version of yourself up for success because you aren’t constantly triggered by the sensations you’ve been avoiding feeling. You will more naturally allow yourself to evolve. This is how emotional maturity supports your health as well. 

When we know we are always growing, we stop seeing the transition to our next level as a “death” because all of our memories come with us, as wisdom. This helps us discern how to move forward with more intention and we naturally get better and better results. 

So before your mid-February self convinces you that you’re out of steam, again, feel into the sensations that you have experienced in previous Februarys. See if there are any nuggets of wisdom that may support you in proving that part of you wrong. If you want some extra support in integrating your emotions so you can not only reach your goals but also heal- on a subconscious level- the parts of you that sabotage your progress, I am currently enrolling people in my intuitive eating program, Nourished: How to Use Your Appetite to Heal Your Relationship with Food. 

This is a 6-month course with pre-recorded content including practical nutrition tips and deep energetic shifts that reframe your relationships with everything from time, pleasure, the scale, tracking, and your emotions (and 10+ other main relationships that shape our food choices). Additionally, you will receive supportive and empowering mindset shifts in your inbox several days a week with journal prompts to take you even deeper in your transformation. 

This is built to be completely self-guided and is available with 1:1 mentorship for added support and accountability.

The women who get the best results are: 

-Deeply connected to their feelings

-Naturally intuitive

-Not able to get the type of support or accountability from friends and family (they mean well but get frustrated if their suggestion doesn't work for you)

-Because she "hears" in feelings, she needs a plan she can intuitively understand so she can accomplish it in a way that feels natural for her

-Willing to explore her inner Masculine and Feminine energies to create a healthy relationship with her body

Email me (cschandnutrition@gmail.com) to get started. Simply let me know what you’ve tried before and I’ll ask a few questions to make sure this is the best fit so we can start right away!