How to shift from a DIY woman into "wife material"

Surprise! You have needs

This feels like a dirty little secret among women- no one wants to be labeled as “needy” or “too much”.

But in my experience, men love a woman with needs.

In fact, they refer to her as “high value” and “wife material”

The difference?

*She* acknowledges the fact that she has needs (a real sign of feminine confidence is standing in your vulnerability) AND she takes them seriously (enough to meet them herself).

This looks like pursuing her passions, learning how to take care of her body/finances, and prioritizing activities that light her up.

This does two things: 1) it shows him who she really is, what interests her, and who she likes to be around, which lets him imagine how their lives can coexist, and 2) it fills her emotional tank so she is naturally happier.

Men love to be generous but when a woman asks from a place of deficit, it creates a sense of urgency within both parties that isn't acknowledged but is felt.

A woman in this situation will tend to have more specifics of “how” and “when” to meet the need because it's past due. A man will feel this and label it as “difficult”, not because the need is “too much” or he doesn't want to help but more often because he isn't free to use his masculine creativity.

His natural problem-solving is the most fulfilling way for him to provide (and it may not operate on your timeline/look the way it would if you did it)

Instead, practice being honest about what you're needing/hoping to experience (and let him know if there's a timeline). This allows him step into his element and find the solution that fits both of you.

Mindset Shift: Trust that he wants you to be happy and to be the one that facilitates that.

Ask if there is more information he needs from you to get you there together and let yourself be surprised by what he comes up with.

The reason women struggle to think this way is because it requires her to risk feeling disappointed. For most women, feeling disappointed is very painful and has happened all-to-frequently and so, through years of experiential learning she has developed a strategy to not have to feel this way- to not ask for things from other people.

The problem with this logic is that it is based on the skills/perspective of an under-developed version of herself… A less empowered part of her feminine psyche.

When this part of her is “advising” her behavior, the argument sounds reasonable enough to “just do it myself”.

This seems like the most rational way to do things- to become more independent and capable- after all, she is capable.

But a woman will quickly realize there are only so many things she can do for herself before her time is entirely spoken for by tasks that only maintain her status quo.

In order for a woman to expand- to mature into the most empowered version of herself- she will need new types of support to meet her needs.

This seems to happen in two phases because the more she learns how to identify her needs, the more support she realizes she would like.

For example, she may open up space in her schedule by supporting a local housekeeping business.

Or set up a grocery delivery or meal prep service to have healthy food available in half the time.

Or she may pursue an interest she’s had for a while and begin taking lessons in art, singing, or dance so she can further express herself creatively.

When she becomes more acquainted with receiving services she is paying for, she will need to also learn how to receive acts of service that don’t have a direct transaction tied to it.

These transactions are fueled by trust... mostly in herself (to request and stay accountable to getting the needs met).

This is the most fun (and unfamiliar) phase for most women because she begins asking for some of her innermost needs to be met as they float into her conscious awareness.

In this phase, she experiences more receiving than she ever has before and is able to give new and more parts of herself as more of her needs met on a consistent basis.

This is when her fear of asking for things makes way to feeling empowered.

As a woman develops her emotional intelligence, she becomes aware of who to entrust with certain tasks. Instead of setting for repeated disappointment, she begins attracting more empowered people around her, the kind that are willing to hear her needs and show up in a mutually beneficial way.

The more she hones this level of discernment, the more space she will open to continue expanding into who she is intended to become.

The most fully expressed version of her.

Want to learn more shifts to bring out the best in yourself and men? Check out my transformational program, Arise.

In this month long 1:1 intensive, we shift your relationship to you own needs, identify the way you’ve been supporting your inner world and how it’s been playing out in your current relationship dynamics, and provide key characteristics of empowered people so you can begin honing your discernment muscle and trusting yourself to lay the foundation for growth and expansion!

DM me to make sure it's the right fit and get started