Infatuated with Mr. Wrong? Try this instead.

So you go on a date with a guy and things feel right… 

The chemistry is off the charts… you banter and flirt easily and he’s soooo handsome you wonder how the heck he is single!

You say all the witty things and laugh at his jokes (even the ones that aren’t that funny).

And as the end of the date nears, you are hoping he kisses you!

Your heart is pounding in your chest and you feel as though you’re walking a tight rope. 

Suck in your tummy. 

Smile.

Try not to act awkward… play it cool! 

He kisses you and your body feels like a jolt of electricity has come up from the ground. 

Your heart is fluttering and you have butterflies. 

You float home on cloud nine.

Maybe you text him to tell him how much of a good time you had. 

And then you wait… 

Nothing. 

What?! 

You guys had such a great time! Right?

Your thoughts become a tornado, spiraling in your head. 

Maybe you play it off as “he’s busy” and go to sleep, waking up to check your phone throughout the night. 

Still nothing in the morning so you reach out with a friendly, maybe flirty text… 

Crickets. 

Your head starts to hurt and you can feel your blood pressure rising. 

What is going on?! You begin to feel a little crazy. 

You replay every line of the conversation and read every text leading up to the date and even ask your girl friends what they think could’ve happened.

No one seems to have the crystal ball answer to restore calmness in your body. 

It feels terrible to be “activated”- as I’ll call it- with no answers. 

When your body sends signals that you’re attracted to someone… it feels like a pull toward them... and sometimes it’s strong. 

It’s hard for us to trust the signals we’re getting, if we’re noticing them at all, when we see men not responding in the way we would if we were in that position. 

It feels so confusing… so frustrating… it makes you want to reach out and grab him!

Mentally, it doesn’t make sense to feel attracted to someone that is ignoring you and leaving you feeling bad… and yet, we’ve all been there.

So what’s the deal?

The thing to understand here is…. with men … they do what they want. 

Not even to say they don’t want to be with you or meet again, but knowing that they do what they want can be so insightful. 

I got tired of “learning” this lesson and finally decided I was going to do what I wanted to… 

Not in a game-y way but in a “I’m tired of this, and I’m taking charge of my experience” way. 

And it was a game changer… 

Sometimes those feelings of infatuation are simply old stories lodged in our nervous system. 

They get activated when we get a whiff of potential… of being loved. 

What you may not be as aware of is that it also activates all of your fears too…. The stories that you won’t work out, that he would never be interested in you, that you’ll be single forever… and so you act out of those- maybe without even knowing that’s what you’re doing. 

So the repeated texts may seem like a nice gesture to you but you’re actually volunteering yourself for the role of the pursuer. 

This may feel really counterintuitive to hear- because who doesn’t want to be pursued- and yet I want you to know that the answer to that question is… Men. 

Men don’t want to be pursued. 

Not really at least... sure there are guys out there that want you to do all the work but good men want you to feel safe and secure… not having to strategize about how to get their attention like a child to a busy parent…. trust me, this is not a sexy dynamic to set in motion if you want a healthy adult relationship.

The things that feel good to us- as women- are quite the opposite as men and knowing this can help you act in a way that gives you the best chance of him coming back around. 

What to do instead? 

Here’s where the inner shifts come in…

Take a breath. 

Lean back into your chair or on your comfy couch and take a deep breath. 

You may feel the spinny, electric feelings inside your body and that is perfect. 

Notice where in your body, if you were to see it lit up like a MRI scan, that feeling resides. 

Name it… this prickly feeling in my chest, this buzzing in my stomach, this tightness in my shoulders. 

When you notice it and name it, I’d invite you to place your hand on it and bring all of your attention to this isolated place on/in your body. 

This might sound strange but imagine sending love there… either from your heart or like you could slather it on like sunscreen at the beach. 

Be generous in your application of this “lotion”.

After about 60-90 seconds you may notice this sensation starting to fade or dissipate. 

It may pop up somewhere else in your body… this is very normal. 

You can simply repeat the process in the new location. 

This sensation represents a younger version of you that is feeling scared and is all alone. 

It often has the idea to do a bigger song and dance so someone will take notice and by you learning to notice it, you take charge of teaching it how to behave in a way that feels good to you. 

Find something that does feel good for you to do… paint your nails, take a bath, go for a walk, lie on your bed, do something creative…. fully occupy yourself with it.

So next time you’re waiting by the phone… telepathically willing that text to come through to let you know he thinks you’re interesting, try this instead and see how it feels. 

In my experience, once I calm this part of myself down the man will naturally find his way back into my orbit… as if by magic. 

This is the pull of feminine energy ;) 

There is literally nothing more alluring to a man than a woman that feels good within and about herself.

She is magnetic to be around…

And the way to keep him coming back is to learn to be with more of these uncomfortable feelings within yourself. 

The more safe you feel with yourself, the more safe he will feel coming around you. 

It’s a win-win. 

No games, not strategizing… it’s simply knowing the way we’re wired.

No one would accuse you of cheating for reading the rules of a board game and yet we don’t spend a lot of time knowing the “rules of love” before we roll the dice…

This is counter-intuitive work and if you’d like some support, I would love to guide you through getting in touch with your feminine energy and finding the love of your life.

Let’s schedule some time to get clear on your situation and the best practices and steps to take to get what you’re heart desires… because you deserve it, girl friend!

Loads of Love to You!