Stop Eating for Two: How being "Nice" is Holding you back

Growing up in the south, I was raised to be "nice" and "polite".

Through the years, I have given up my right of choice more often than I'd like to admit.

We think it reflects poorly on us if we assert our limits.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with being flexible or courteous but, when you are always the one giving, it's time to ask yourself, "what is it costing me?" We wouldn't continue to draft out of the same account without putting more money in- we know it would run out.

The same happens when we let other people make our choices for us, we can start to feel depleted- especially when it comes to our goals.

With the holidays right around the corner, now is the perfect time to start your weight loss success. 

Every pound you don't gain is a pound you don't have to lose so, consider yourself in a winning position from the start.

Reality check. If you want to lose weight, you need to stop eating for two. This is YOUR life and you DESERVE the life of your dreams. You get to choose. Other people are not responsible for your life. This may seem terrifying or maybe exhilarating. Whichever side of that coin you are on, can only build the motivation you need to win if you stop letting someone else call the shots.

Know what you want. What we desire most will always win. There’s no right or wrong thing to desire but being able to identify it is powerful! For example, if you are wanting to lose weight and yet, find yourself consistently in situations that are challenging (i.e. someone offering you something that doesn’t fit in your idea of success) getting to the bottom of what you believe is critical. Maybe you have some underlying thoughts about what it means to decline their offering- are you afraid you’ll be “that person”, rude, or offend them? Or are you open to the idea that this is an opportunity to prioritize your health and practice choosing what and how much you eat? If you want to choose you and you goals/feelings, choose you. If you want to choose them, choose them. Either way, you are the one making the choice.

Make a plan. Imagine ahead of time how you want the situation to play out- how you want to feel. This is a critical step because the more we rehearse, the more successful we will be when the curtain opens. If you want to pass on the second helping of mashed potatoes that your aunt always offers, imagine yourself saying, “no, thank you” or putting your plate in the sink. Similar to planning a road trip, you need to know where you want to go so you can move in that direction.

Write out a pep talk. Think about what you would need to hear in that moment to remember- or feel more confident about- your decision. These are some that other people have used:
“I CHOOSE…”
“I always make good choices”
“I love my body and I take good care of it”
“I trust that I can enjoy this food now AND have more when I’m hungry again”
“I feel better physically when I eat only what I need and I deserve to feel GOOD”
“I can be kind AND decline whatever I do not want. I choose.”
“I can let them know I love them simply by being with them”
“I am responsible for how I want my health/body to be. All my decisions support what I ultimately want”

Imagine alternate endings. We act in a specific way because we- consciously or subconsciously- expect a specific outcome. If we ran into a detour on our road trip, we would simply take a different path to get there, right? Imagine what other detours you might need to plan for and how you want to deal with them. If you know you will be too full for your favorite pie, plan to wait to eat it later or take a smaller portion of something that you don’t enjoy as much.

Accept your best. After it’s all said and done, if you tried, you succeeded. Maybe things didn’t go quite like you planned but you’re still allowed to be proud of your efforts. This is very new for you so, be gentle with yourself while you learn and trust that you will get better the more you practice. Write yourself a word of encouragement for the day after. Imagine you were talking to a friend or child you know and love, write them a note of encouragement. Affirm their willingness to try something new, bravery to step out of their comfort zone, courage to challenge the status quo, etc. Write your name on the top and put it in an envelope for when you need an extra pick-me-up.