Why Did He Never Call Back?

What does "leaning back into your feminine energy" mean?
I believe each of us has a spectrum within us of how we operate most naturally.

One side is the "masculine" or action, thinking, doing orientation while the other end of the spectrum is the "feminine"- the being, feeling, experiencing, pleasurable way of showing up.

When we, as women, are raised to be equal to our male counterparts- at work and home- we learn to operate in our masculine energy with ease.

This serves us really well in a lot of ways.

It helps us succeed in our careers, learn things, take risks and be adventurous.

And yet, if we spend all our time in that energy, the other half of our spectrum gets neglected.

Think about it like this, if you've ever played sport or been challenged to an arm wrestling match, which arm will you offer?

Your dominant arm of course!

You wouldn't think to assert your non-dominant hand in an arm wrestling match.

Not if you actually wanted to win.

This is actually how we treat our feminine qualities.

They are like a non-dominant arm- they're underutilized and so we don't feel confident that they won't leave us feeling embarrassed instead of triumphant if we were to offer them.

And yet, what if I told you in your love life, this is your ace card.

Being feminine means more than wearing dressing and getting your nails done.

It is a position of welcoming, neutral, warm energy that everyone- especially masculine energy men CRAVE!

Stand, shoulders back and down, with your hands face up 90 degrees from your hips in either direction.

Like a statue of a greek goddess holding two things in the palms of her hands.

Now look in the mirror.

How does it feel to see that posture?

Even if you were made of marble, it's actually a soft posture that exposes your heart and communicates non-judgment.

This is the opposite stance to how we flow through the day.

Often we round our shoulders forward and up, as if we brace for a heavy load and shield ourselves.

This carries over into our dating lives as well. I was the queen of this stance.

The warriorette.

Always on defense, not wanting to be perceived as "weak".

I thought men wanted to be impressed by all I could do and contribute.

The age-old reality of “opposites attract” is true.

The same is true for the masculine and feminine energy within you and someone else.

Those men may have been impressed for a little while and then they got bored and stopped coming around.

I was actually doing was going to battle against them.

Even the toughest boxer can only take so many jabs before they tap out. 

This posture looks like leaning forward on the table as in a negotiation or a business deal.

This is a very masculine, hard stance and it makes sense that they'd feel they were at work or in an interview rather than on a date with a woman like they had been hoping for.

Then I learned to sit back into my feminine energy and everything shifted.

I practiced softer body language and men approached me for more than stimulating conversation about books and politics.

They started to connect with me and it felt so good.

Then they started to care for me.

And that felt good.

Instead of being upset and pointing out when they didn't open the door on a date, I started to notice strangers holding the door for me when they saw me coming.

When I  first heard the concept of "Leaning Back" and "creating space for him to chase you" I thought it meant ignoring him or playing some kind of cat and mouse game.

And it would work for a while, if I'm honest with you.

But Leaning Back is a beautiful place to be and is very attractive to men because it's more of a returning to neutral.

It allows him room to step up to the plate because HE wants to not because I am telling him exactly how to do it.

Leaning Back means taking your focus off of what HE's doing and putting it onto how I'm feeling.

Allowing myself to feel and deal with the emotions he's helping me experience.

If he is pulling away, it feels terrible.

I totally understand, I've been there many times.

And I would encourage you to use this time to focus your attention on your own heart.

Place your hand on your heart and say, "I see you", "This feels new and different and of course you feel unsure and vulnerable", "I feel your fear/ anger/ sadness, etc", "I love you and I'm here for you."

Keep repeating this until you feel your insides calming down.

The reality is that you don't know what he's doing.

We tell ourselves stories as if we are the author of a novel and can experience all the characters internal worlds.

The reality is, you're the author of your life but all you know is how it's making you feel right now and that's the power of leaning back.

In my experience, when I return to a calm place on the inside, the guy magnetically comes back around.

And if not, the next guy shows up faster.

How can you Lean Back a little more and support yourself while he’s not in front of you?

Leave me a comment and let me know how this works for you!

Love,

Courtney