Why Motivation is Eluding You (and What to Do About It)
The experience many of my clients come to the table with is a dread of exercise.
I get it, there are things that are “good for me” that I dread too.
What I’ve learned as I’ve been taught more about healthy relationship dynamics is that the state of being that you’re doing the action is at least as (if not more) important than the action itself.
For example, exercising out of anger with yourself or your body is a different experience than moving because it feels good or builds strength.
(I do believe it’s possible to shift how you engage with the thing you currently dread).
What I usually see happening is people approaching exercise “because they have to”, or “because it’s good for them”, or “because they need to burn calories”.
This has them trudge through, maybe cause injury, and really have to push themselves to do it.
While there is an initial push to create momentum, my clients seem to feel like Sisyphus, pushing the boulder uphill.
It doesn’t have to be like this (and you don't have to use guilt to get there).
What’s happening, as I understand it, is that part of you is feeling overpowered (usually chronically overpowered) and has found a way to feel powerful- resist.
It may seem like a pain in the 🍑 but have you ever tried to drag someone that is dead weight… now imagine that happening internally.
For my clients, they’ve often struggled with weight their whole life and are used to the shaming messages that often come from well-meaning people around them that “if they would exercise”...
It’s not that my clients are uneducated- often quite the opposite, they can count calories with the best of them- but rather, they are tired.
They seem tired of being told what to do and tired of *feeling* pushed around.
This can come from a variety of experiences throughout their life where they may have felt pressure to perform without the input as to how to do the task in a way that works best for them.
In my experience, this creates a leak in personal agency that will play out in a need to use a lot of energy to motivate action.
And this simply isn’t necessary.
What they need most is a new level of acceptance to re-energize their natural action-taking drive from a state of congruence.
Since the tendency is to force motivation, thinking they are defective/undisciplined for not having it ready at hand, I often have to explain that rest is needed too and healthy bodies are meant to move when they have energy.
And when you have energy, it feels good to move (or at least not “bad”).
As I see it, we aren’t dealing with a lack of motivation but a scheduling issue.
I was speaking with a client last week about this very thing.
They wanted to be more active to help with weight loss and yet the motivation wasn’t there after work.
I suggested instead of forcing the motivation, what if we found when the motivation was naturally occurring and rode that wave.
This meant we needed two plans so there wasn’t extra guilt for “not doing what you’re supposed to do”.
Plan a) for when the motivation was there but the time wasn’t (think while you’re working on a project at work) and
Plan b) for when the motivation wasn’t there but the time was (i.e. veg out time).
What typically happens is people will apply pressure in an effort to motivate themselves when what they may very well need is to rest.
Or at least be let off the hook (this works wonders).
This will start to untangle the guilt and shame so many people have around exercise.
The way to build motivation naturally, as I’ve learned, is to come from a state of congruence.
This means permission to not exercise when you don’t feel like it (I can hear all the fitness professionals gritting their teeth) and getting creative to find ways to move when you naturally do have energy.
In my observation, the results that are created from the excess of natural energy are incredible and don’t add tension (from not feeling like you can act on your own impulses) that later plays out in stress eating.
This will look like sitting in the discomfort that will bubble up when you give yourself permission to rest when you’re tired.
It will sound like “I should be doing something”, “I *could* be exercising during the commercials”, or “I’ll just do it tomorrow”.
(In my experience, there is a natural purging period where each of these stories you’d been using to increase motivation needs to actively be met with self-acceptance- this will recharge personal agency because it’s likely that a lot of energy has been spent in the self-criticism/avoidance pattern).
And beginning to see how your body works best.
To me, this is how self-care becomes self-discipline.
This is counterintuitive and this is my specialty.
If you are someone that notices a pattern of wanting to move “but you’re at work”, let’s look at moves you can do using your desk or in your office space.
Or even planning to use your lunch break to walk or do a HIIT workout.
Since your body is creating a lot of extra energy (in the form of stress) to help you focus on the tasks at work, releasing some tension may create a second wave of clear, creative thinking after you move.
The reality is, if you have a healthy body, it is worth celebrating by moving it in a way that feels good and honors you as a whole being- including your natural ebbs and flows, previous experiences, and goals.
I believe being active is one of life’s simple pleasures and doesn’t need to feel like punishment.
So when there’s energy to move, take the brakes off (this usually means getting creative about what activity “should” look like)!
If you’ve been dreading exercise in your weight loss journey, here is your permission slip to stop overpowering yourself and start empowering yourself.
If you want more info on how to speak to yourself in a way that brings out the best, most creative version of you I have a special deal for you… I have made my transformational program, Nourished a self-guided program (complete with conversational emails that keep you on track and continuing to shift your mindset) so you can start shifting the inner dialog before the New Year's push.
My hope is to pave the way to a New Year that feels manageable and grounded by helping you empower yourself from the inside out💪.
In the pre-recorded content, I help you shift your relationship to many of the triggering situations that come with long term weight loss- tracking, stepping on the scale, being told what to do (i.e. following a diet), and how to see plateaus differently- so you feel in charge of the things that used to derail you.
If this sounds like the shifts you’re wanting to make so your Resolutions become a way of life, get it on self-study below, or DM me “Motivation” to join forces and supercharge your clarity with 1:1 support (I have different levels of support depending on where you are starting/what you’re needing).
Cheers to a New way of seeing You,
Courtney
