Boundaries Create a Sense of Safety for The Other Person Too

Boundaries create the parameters of your experience- what is allowed in and how much it “costs” you.

It makes sense that, if you are not enjoying the current landscape of experience, your boundaries are the first place to look.

But this is so challenging for many women because many have the experience of boundaries being difficult to navigate and therefore take them personally.

This leads to feeling hurt, rejected, or abandoned and creates a disempowering story that keeps her from being able to sustain healthy connections.

I’ve been reflecting on the last year working with my own mentor and realized one of the greatest “benefits” I’ve received is observing and interacting with her boundaries.

She is warm and kind but also firm and clear.

There’s no guessing and it actually *feels* safe.

It is clear what to expect and what is available- which surprisingly, creates more clarity for where I need to support myself and where “support” looks like asking for more specific help.

This *feeling* of safety calms the fear that creates the outward behavior of over-reliance (needing support to make every decision) that is often present for women that struggle with boundaries.

Observing her has allowed me to learn how to trust myself more AND respect someone else while I go about getting what I need.

It’s helped me to cultivate greater self-awareness and integrate my own boundaries which feels empowering.

This is a slight shift from the “I can do everything myself”/ “save me, this feels scary” (child energy) pendulum I’ve been on at previous points in my life.

This is the benefit of coaching- to rewrite, correct, or expand the way we have been operating.

This is because healing requires a woman to experience empowered masculine energy- the calm, stable compassionate energy she may not be used to.

When a woman has an emotional injury she’s seeking support to heal, it is common for her girlfriends to offer her feminine energy in return.

They see her in pain and discomfort and want to relieve it.

While heartfelt, this has the tendency to actually perpetuate the feeling of woundedness because it doesn’t rewrite the story on a deeper level.

An energetic, sensory level.

I liken it to trying to catch water with water, there aren’t enough boundaries to create deep calmness and she will feel the emotional storm inside.

In order to heal on an emotional level, feminine energy (the emotional storm) must be met with masculine energy (the sturdy container)- whether in a man or woman or within herself.

It’s what really differentiates the DIY self-study programs from the results of a 1:1 or group container, in my opinion.

The information she’s shared, while groundbreaking for me and totally worth any amount of money on its own, has had less impact on my nervous system than the experience of working with her personally.

The experiential information mentors bring- in the form of their integrated boundaries is what allows you to see outside of your reality and makes their time invaluable.

Having the safety to practice a new way of being as you digest and implement the intellectual information is what facilitates growth.

Otherwise, personal development feels like busywork.

This is important because many of the ways we behave in our intimate friendships or professional relationships will translate into our romantic attempts.

The ways we feel hurt, neglected or disappointed are often mirrored in many areas of life and can be ripe opportunities to clarify our own needs.

Having a space to integrate these insights empowers women to approach dating in a more authentic and relaxed way.

What I know is that feminine energy is seeking the feeling of being grounded, contained, and safe- only then can she feel confident (safe) in sharing more of her inner world.

Many women don’t have the felt-sense experience of true safety in relationships, and sometimes it goes way back.

This flavors her connection with her own masculine energy and causes her to feel insecure and unable to trust herself.

Often, the closer she gets to someone else, the more anxiety gets stirred up, making it more difficult to discern her feelings to navigate authentically.

Fortunately, I’ve seen the opposite also be true- when she feels safer with her own masculine energy, the more she learns to trust is, the more secure she feels within herself.

Men are naturally drawn to a woman when she feels safe within herself.

They call it self-confidence, but it registers as safety for them and gives them permission to be themselves.

This natural version of men, in my experience, tends to be the best side of them- the generous, gentle, passionate part of them she hadn’t previously been able to experience.

As she co-creates new experiences for herself, it gradually re-writes the narrative she’d held in her nervous system that was previously so sensitive to relationship triggers.

Since she has the ability to create a sense of groundedness for herself any time she needs it, she can tolerate more intimacy and stay present to her emotional experience more often.

This attracts the attention of a new type of man- the emotionally mature man- the one that is looking for the same thing she is: a long-term partner.

This is the benefit of healing her relationship with her own masculine energy.

It is counterintuitive and a path I am intimately familiar with.

I have a 4-week transformational course, Arise for women that desire more connection and less anxiety in their relationships.

I have distilled my own experience and training into 4 potent modules to help a woman shift her relationship with her own masculine energy (and show up differently with men) available in a self-study or 1:1 coaching package.

If you’ve been actively dating for at least 6 months (but the connections don’t seem to last past 3 months) and you are open to rewriting your internal script about men- to one that feels more compassionate, safe, and invites more depth- I’d love to help.

Send me a message (CSchandNutrition@gmail.com) to see if this is the right fit for you and we will get started.

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