What Men Want in Exchange for Their Effort (Hint: It’s Not “Sex”)

Your partner wants to give to you.

1-10, How true does that feel for you?

Many women have an underlying belief- based on their legitimate experiences- that there’s no way this is true.

Maybe they are open to the idea but also wonder when the time will run out and she will have to drag it out of him again.

What she doesn’t understand is that men are naturally generous.

In a man's world that is “normal” for him to want to share their resources with their woman.

The sticky spot is usually around how much generosity *she* can tolerate (this is great because we can shift this!).

As women, so many of our funny behaviors come out when they are on the receiving end of a relationship:

She feels anxious like she now owes him something.

She isn’t aware that he is trying to be generous and so she ignores it,

Or she gets triggered and instinctively tries to force the generosity (i.e. telling him how to do it, expressing disappointment when he doesn’t do what she expected, or acting as if she has it all “together”- seeing how ‘above and beyond’ he will go to show her how he feels about her)

These will all backfire on her because the energy underneath will repel a man’s natural generosity.

He won’t *feel* like a man around her because she isn’t responding like a woman, she’s responding like a man.

This isn’t something most women have modeled to them, but it is something that can be learned.

A woman that has mastered the “art of receiving” as my teacher calls it is willing to be vulnerable, simply saying “thank you” for the gesture instead of trying to give him something in return.

There is actually a lot of (energetic) power in believing they *want* to give to you.

This registers to a man as a safe place to invest his resources because it naturally feels good to give to someone that appreciates your effort (think about it).

The hit of dopamine that comes from her appreciation makes him feel seen as useful, purposeful, and in line with how he probably sees himself (many men believe “men” are the providers).

When a woman desires more generosity from the men in her life, the first place she can look is to her own masculine energy.

The odds are pretty good that ‘he’s’ getting so much done that the men around her assume she doesn’t need them, and so they don’t offer.

Not because they aren’t generous or don’t want to, but out of respect for her ability.

It’s like man code- a “he’ll ask for help if he wants it” energy.

Instead, a simple shift she can make is to turn her masculine energy inward, toward herself.

He now has the task of enhancing her happiness.

This may mean she buys flowers at the store because they made her smile, or maybe she tries a new recipe or restaurant for the sake of the experience.

When her ‘doing’ energy is focused on the ‘task’ of making her smile it suddenly opens up room around her for men to do the same.

She will start to experience the shift in the men around her as she allows them to see her when she is smiling.

There is nothing more compelling to a masculine energy man than harvesting a woman’s joy.

They are content to wait, work, to provide, to plan, organize and “step up” to witness her happiness.

Like farmers, they intuitively seem to understand there’s a natural process.

The problem is, most women feel so vulnerable sharing this part of themselves and so they are less willing to reveal it, or worse, they are stingy (only revealing that she is pleased when he reaches a certain level).

This is the equivalent experience to a man as a woman believing she has to ‘make’ her partner do things for her.

This is especially common in the “not noticing his generosity” scenario earlier- she won’t see his efforts to provide if they aren’t monetary (i.e. opening the door, telling a joke, pulling out her chair, etc) or if he does pay for things and yet forgets those things.

I had to learn that men aren’t willing to “work” to make a woman happy.

(Not that they don’t want her to be happy)

They want to *enhance* her happiness (minor distinction from earlier).

This means it can’t be his job to make her happy (she has her own masculine energy for that).

When a woman has her own masculine energy engaged in the dating process, she will naturally spend less time monitoring which hoops he hasn’t jumped through because she’s focused on her own internal experience- the best guidance- instead of the checklist, she got from Cosmo.

She will be more available to see the ways he is making an effort to enhance her internal experience and allow him to experience her feminine energy in return.

If a man is not naturally showing his generosity, I would have a woman check to see how generous she is with her happiness when she’s around him.

Best case: this shifts the dynamic back to one that feels better for both of them.

Worst case: this is not the match for her and she’s learning how to feel happy with herself.

This is one way that building a connection with her own masculine energy makes dating feel less turbulent.

This is my area of expertise.

I have an entire program designed to help women who experience anxiety while dating to feel more calm, stable, and able to respond to men in a way that naturally brings out the best in both of them.

My 4-week self-study program, Arise, is broken into 4 modules to help her understand the energy exchange between masculine and feminine so she can learn intuitively how to create connections that feel good by healing the relationship she has with masculine energy.

She will learn how to interpret the stories she tells and understand how they are creating the experience she’s having and begin to trust herself more than anyone else. This will help her feel secure in her decisions, having a full understanding of how to navigate using her own guidance system and creating greater self-awareness and, thus, a deeper capacity for intimacy.

As she begins to tell more empowering stories, she will recognize healthier men in the world around her as well as heal the interactions with men in her life currently, setting them up to be more generous in their interactions with her.

Finally, learning how to feel calm and secure is one of the most attractive skills to have in dating and, as a bonus, I include a module on feminine energy so she can speak in a way he hears and help get more of her needs met with less forcing.

This course is for women that are either new to dating or have a lot of experience but still have anxiety that seems to keep them in connections that fizzle before month 3 when she’s hoping to find “her person”. This transformation has spilled over into other areas of my own life, including work and creative projects- the benefits of having your own masculine energy support you are not limited to romance.

This is available as self-study and is most effective with 1:1 coaching to provide deeper healing and more tailored support (including my favorite topic: translating your desires to a “man-speak”- sign up for that below). Email me (CSchandNutrition@gmail.com) to get more support.