Why Attraction is Not About Being "More Feminine"...

It’s common when a woman is learning about masculine energy, especially how hers has been showing up, to want to “act more feminine”.

This sounds really funny to me now but I did the same thing.

I would wear dresses (which I actually do love), say how I “feel”, and stay very conscious of not leaning forward or initiating things.

These helped me gain awareness of my typical behaviors so I could shift them and there’s nothing wrong with doing any of those things.

But the reason it sounds funny to me is, as I’ve since discovered, there’s not a way to measure femininity.

There are women that are highly feminine and have shaved heads, wear a pants suit, and lift weights.

Feminine energy is a way of *being*, and in turn, a way of allowing people to *be* around you.

Feminine energy is a natural expression and the only thing a woman “needs to do” is allow more of it.

This looks like using her masculine energy to catch the ways she was showing up.

Not to put her actions on trial or create a rehabilitation program for herself, which is usually what will happen.

But what if they were more like a flare, signaling from her inner child that she is in distress...

When a woman catches her old way of being there will be a tendency to want to fix it, often out of a deep fear of not being “attractive”.

But what she needs most at that moment is to turn and look at the child- that is the information she needs to gather.

Awareness really is enough.

The way she feels when she looks at her most vulnerable self in the moment she is using her typical strategy will tell her everything she needs in order to be “more feminine”.

For example, the woman who catches herself wanting to “be vulnerable” (an expression of feminine energy) in order to cause a man to behave in a specific way will, over time, bring out the worst in her man because he will feel as though he is being duped and instinctively resist her attempts.

But if she were to catch herself redhanded (realistically, this may have to be recreated in a meditation to be processed outside of that moment)- to simply allow the moment she becomes aware of it to act as a prompt- and turn to face her child energy she might feel the embarrassment she feels of how afraid the child appears.

When she is seeing this child feeling afraid and insecure, she can notice her typical response (fueled by the embarrassment) to hide this and instead use it as an opportunity for true vulnerability.

This is the currency of intimacy- an exchange of energy in the present moment.

She can hold the child and comfort its fear, allowing it to quiver in the face of the unknown, or (depending on how her connection feels) she can reveal that to her partner.

Sometimes this doesn’t even require words, it can create healing by simply allowing the feeling to be exposed.

To allow the emotion room to take up space in your body without trying to shove it down or put it away.

It’s been my experience that when I allow the feeling to simply animate my body, and the other person responds differently than I would expect (they stay when the child was afraid they’d walk out/ they simply acknowledge when she was convinced they would pry, etc) it creates the most profound healing.

This is the benefit of a woman healing her own masculine energy.

The masculine energy- our thoughts- is what allows her to resolve so much of the anxiety a woman experiences based on her own perception of the situation.

She may think it’s a bad sign that she’s catching herself doing the behavior so often but that’s simply not the case.

When she is more aware, she can create the shifts internally that result in change externally.

The frequency of her awareness is actually a sign she’s shifting.

What she needs to use as a “measure of progress” instead is how intense the feelings are when she sees her child energy- can she tolerate more tantrums with a sense of compassion or do they evoke a need to ‘make it stop’?

This inner stabilization- using awareness (masculine energy) to increase support and soothing of the inner child- allows a woman’s (adult) feminine energy to be revealed as a natural byproduct.

She will feel sturdy enough to open her heart more and more.

Since her internal world seems less like a jack-in-the-box (never perfect, but less often), she will have an easier time seeing, and even asking for, her needs and getting them met(!).

This is highly attractive to masculine energy because it feels clean.

It feels safe.

In the same way, it feels safer to float up to someone in the pool that is lounging on a float versus someone that is struggling to stay above water.

Men want to provide in ways that meet a woman’s needs.

It feels good to them, it boosts their dopamine and testosterone.

This is much easier for him- and feels better for her- when he doesn’t have to guess.

When a woman uses her masculine energy to support herself, she can ask for more than what she needs to simply survive and *this* is when partners get to help us thrive.

*This* is an empowered relationship, and men are in search of it just as much as we are.

Navigating these shifts seems like going against your instincts so you can tap into your intuition. It can feel nerve-wracking and yet this is my zone of genius.

If you’re looking for this type of partnership, I have a transformational 4-week course, Arise.

It is designed to help women develop the inner structure that supports them in having more of their needs met. This relieves the anxiety she experiences from the stories she’s believed about relationships (for years) and allows her to navigate new connections with greater clarity of what’s going on (within herself and the interaction) so she can respond in a way that feels authentic for her while avoiding the situations that will cause further heartache.

When a woman is able to narrate situations differently (using her thoughts to support her desires) she will intuitively respond in the most “attractive” way on her dates. Boundaries become easier to set and she feels more secure overall.

This is the shift women create with this information, and thus, she learns to trust herself regardless of the circumstance.

The women that have the greatest transformation have some inner awareness already- often having done therapy or sought healing for previous trauma- but still, experience anxiety when it comes to intimate connections.

Some of the most profound shifts have happened for other healers and coaches (we need support too) that are very familiar with masculine and feminine energy and desire/ are practicing deepening intimacy in dating or their own relationships.

But all she “needs” is a willingness to explore her inner world and a desire to learn to trust herself more.

As a bonus to the 4 core modules which shift the relationship she has to her masculine energy, and men at large, I have an added module to support feminine expression so she understands what has been blocking her from asking/receiving what she needs from the men around her.

Arise is available as a self-study and I have spaces to provide 1:1 support in addition to the material to allow for deeper transformation and more tailored healing as well as help expressing yourself in specific situations.

If 1:1 support feels like a good fit, email me (CSchandNutrition@gmail.com) and let me know how you “catch” yourself behaving on dates and we can time to get started right away.