Have you ever eaten when you feel lonely?

In speaking with people during the quarantine, I’ve observed that many of us have a lower tolerance for isolation than we’d think.

We’ve gotten quite good at finding ways to distract against it but the statistics show that we are experiencing more loneliness, as a culture, than ever before. 

Coupled with the pandemic, it can make for quite a challenge.  

Or maybe you’re quite introverted and the pandemic distancing has been a relief for you. 

Either way, it’s so normal to experience loneliness, your life doesn’t look the same as it did 6 months ago. 

You’re not enjoying many of the summer activities you once did. 

I had this experience just last week, as I started to re-enter society and participate in ways I had previously enjoyed.

There may be a sense of sadness, a hollow feeling in your chest or stomach.

For many of us, myself included, it’s easy to use this cue as a signal for hunger. 

What’s even easier is, once we realize what we’ve done, to judge ourselves. 

We feel terrible feeling lonely, like there’s something missing. 

And then we feel terrible after we eat and still feel empty even though we’re full. 

The reason we feel so insatiably lonely is because we judge the part of us that has the feeling. 

We are essentially disowning the part of our humanity that has a need for connection. 

In case not having people around outside isn’t painful enough, when we lock that part of us in the closet it can feel even more intense.

We want to be more “mature than that” or less “needy” than to have this experience. 

I get it. 

I had this experience just today and I felt inspired to share the tool I’ve found most helpful.

It can be scary coming face to face with the fragile parts of ourselves.   

And yet, the only way I’ve found to quell that nagging feeling and shift into an empowering space is to go toward the feeling.  

We actually tense our body in a way to avoid feeling these feelings and it makes total sense. 

We have to allow that tension to soften so the feeling can pass. 

In my experience, the longer I clench and tighten that space, the longer the dull ache will continue. 

If you can relate to this, here’s what to try instead next time: 

Place your hand on your heart, take a breath into where that hand is and say out loud “I love you part of me that’s judging me”.

You may notice a sensation of shifting or softening around where your heart is. 

I imagine this like a box lid being slid over to reveal the contents of the box. 

It might feel more open and less numb- or not, and that’s ok too. 

You can say “I love you part of me that feels numb” or “-part of me that judges my numbness”.

There’s no way to do this wrong. 

If you notice a shift or softer feeling, go ahead and try, “I’m here now” with your hand still on your heart and see how that feels. 

You may notice some fear tightening in your stomach.

Or a feeling of sadness that’s filling the hollowness in your chest. 

These are the prize. 

This is your feminine energy, the power (or maybe the saboteur) underneath your current level of success. 

It can feel scary, but she has a message for you, if you’re willing to hear it. 

It’s easy to want to slam the lid back on the box but I would encourage you to take a breath into your stomach if you can. 

This is creating a little breathing room so that these feelings won't be as compressed next time. 

Like air, when it’s compressed it tries to escape (in sometimes dangerous ways) or in our case can throw a wrench in our weight loss goal. 

When you feel like you’ve had all you want to tolerate, you can put your lid back on the box for right now and go about your day. 

Feel free to revisit this at any time you need and notice what happens to your eating pattern.

If you’d like some extra support to navigate the contents of your box, schedule time for a complementary 20 minute discovery session, I would love to help you get pointed in the right direction.