How to Deal with Disappointment

If there’s an area of your life that you just can’t seem to move forward in the reason you’re not making progress may be surprising.

Most people thing their resistance comes from the size of the task in front of them, but in my experience it’s the cost of the task in front of them.

What I mean is the risk of taking the action… the natural consequence may be unfamiliar and we aren’t sure how we’d handle it so we avoid the task that’s currently blocking us from having to find out.

For example, have you ever felt disappointed?

It's a really human experience so the odds are pretty good.

If you're like me, though, you may HATE that feeling more than feeling stuck.

Avoid it at all costs.

To the point that I don't even start some things because they aren't certain to help me avoid that feeling.

Think about the things you've not done in order to not have to feel that way- if you're honest with yourself.

I remember when I started this work, I had a pattern that people on the outside might describe as a fear of commitment.

That wasn't true.

I longed for a committed relationship that I felt confident I could be totally myself and the person wouldn't up and leave me.

The real truth is I was a disappointment-phobe.

Anything that had the scent of disappointment and I would high tail it in the other direction like I was looking at a blazing dragon. ...

Or hold that thing with the grip of death.

It showed up everywhere- projects or business ideas that had such promise until the other person "stopped pulling their weight" or "expected too much from me"; romantic relationships that didn't feel quite dreamy, but "everyone's human, right?" I would tell myself.

You've probably heard me talk about the Nasty Voice- the nagging voice that loves to keep us from "touching the stove" again- mine was on high alert for anything that would have me experience disappointment.

Until one day, more recently actually, I heard it say "you don't have what it takes to... (be in a healthy relationship, launch a successful business, be a good friend, etc.)" I felt awash with shame.

And fear.

And disappointment.

I sat there and felt these sensations move through my body.

And something really interesting happened.

It was like watching a movie where the leading character finally gets the courage to stand up to the bully.

I looked at it (the part of me that I heard telling me I don't have what it takes) and said, "you're right."

And sat there quietly.

I surprised myself with my gumption.

In my movie scene, the antagonist was stunned and silent as we both looked at each other with a little bewilderment.

And that's when the magic happened.

Something shifted inside of me. I felt angry.

I felt proud of myself.

I didn't need to vanquish the dragon, I just needed to sidestep it as it lurched.

And I heard myself say, "I'm learning. I don't have what it takes yet, but I bet I can find the answer"

This was a total shift from the typical "you're right" answer where I genuinely agreed with them and felt terrible about myself.

If you've been trying to lose weight or get in a relationship, to no avail, I would encourage you to engage in a conversation with your disappointment dragon.

Here are two powerful journal prompts.

Where has it (the fear of feeling disappointed/judged/being found lacking) been holding you back?

And, if it (your nasty voice) were right, what would that mean about you?

You may not have been aware that you can engage in a dialog instead of just receiving abusive remarks from your Nasty Voice.

You can actually make it disappear with the simple act of seeing it.

If you need some support facing your dragon, schedule some time with me.