When Should I Text Him Back?
have you ever wondered why a guy stops texting?
Or why he takes what feels like days to respond.
Have you wondered if you're being ignored or feeling invisible when you reach out to him?
Girl, I have been there.
I was the queen of youtube videos, seeking advice on how to be the most attractive to a man I liked.
I would set my sights on him and plan strategic ways to "get him".
When he would pay attention to me, I would "play hard to get" and find myself feeling frustrated when he wouldn't ask me out.
It wasn't until I learn what actually works that I was able to see how clearly what I was doing was actually driving men away in droves.
Here's what I've learned:
When we ask when we should text him, we're asking the wrong question.
In the psychology of attraction, there is an element of longing for what we don't have that makes us cherish it.
However, this can't be artificially created... if you want it to last.
This is why the cat and mouse game worked in high school- when we played like children- but after a few rounds of getting burned, we are less likely to touch that stove again.
You can ignore him or delay as long as he delayed and yes, this will build intrigue.
But after the initial few exchanges, healthy minded masculine men tend to get bored.
What is attractive, however is someone that is naturally hard to get.
Because they are too busy living their best life to be glued to their phone.
There's a healthy amount of distance- you're not ALWAYS available- because you have things that need- and to which you want to give- your attention.
Same thing with a man.
(You WANT to be with a man that has a job so that he can support at least himself if not you as well).
There's also an element of attraction that is warm- the person is happy to reconnect with you and is engaged.
This warmth doesn't mean checking your messages every 20 seconds, and it doesn't mean accepting neglect if you're in a relationship.
The best way to know when to answer his text is... when it feels good.
You may really enjoy talking to him and want to text him all day- but if you're feeling overwhelmed with your job and keeping the conversation going, how does that feel when you think about maintaining that?
Men crave feminine warmth and most men, don't want you to be stressed and overwhelmed.
Feminine energy is stifled by overwhelm and stress so it's not in his best interest for you to be trying to keep too many plates in the air.
Sort of like how it doesn't feel good to receive something from someone that you can sense doesn't want to give it.
If you're running yourself ragged trying to keep all these plates in the air, the quality of the communication isn't going to be enough to sustain a man.
Like a healthy diet- eating the right quantity for your body is important and within that range, the quality of the food is just as important.
Men know what they need, you can trust that.
He will not let himself starve.
And on the same token, there's not a man alive that would prefer to fill up on soda crackers because the juicy steak is cooking.
HE WILL WAIT.
So the focus comes back to you.
The transformative question we need to be asking is, "What feelings come up when you think about him having to wait?"
Do you feel anxious? or guilty? or lonely?
We operate with a specific pattern because it is served us.
And if it's not getting you the results you're wanting with your man, your pattern may have been "serving" by keeping you from experiencing uncomfortable feelings.
The good news is, when we can tend to these feelings, we feel better more often- regardless of what's happening.
And when we feel better, we naturally connect with him without having to think about questions like "how long should I wait to text him back".
We are free, then, to enjoy our interaction.
It becomes a container for us to bring our positive experiences from time apart instead of the well from which we draw all our happiness.
Doesn’t that sound like somewhere you’d like to show up? ;)
