How to Feel Stable In the Unknown

They say, “The bigger they are, the harder they fall”

What I’ve found is that women experience more anxiety early in dating because of this very concept.

They have this deep fear of letting themselves experience the emotional high notes with another person because they instinctively understand that “what goes up comes down” and that feels out of control.

This is because they often have an experience where they were only allowed to jump so high, to be so happy, before it made someone else behave in an unsafe way, leaving her with the experience of falling flat.

It doesn’t feel safe for her to tie these high notes to someone else because that leaves her in a position of perceived dependence to recreate it.

The feeling of dependence without trust (trust= consistency over time) is what has her behaving unlike “herself” so she doesn’t have to feel powerless

She may find herself constantly checking her phone, needing to know when she will see him again, needing to know if this is the One before she continues dating him, etc.

She will have a hard time pulling her attention back to herself until she is back in contact with him.

What she needs to do is engage her own masculine energy to support her on the way down.

Brene Brown says it best that “you can’t selectively numb emotions”, the up and down is part of the process.

But what she can do is allow her masculine energy to take the fear out of falling.

In the same way, knowing that a trampoline catches you before you hurt yourself and sends you back up.

This looks like learning to consciously witness her emotional experience and provide the validation she needs to feel secure and seen.

Without the fear she’s been associating with "falling", she has the opportunity to experience the bliss that comes from leaving the ground.

The feeling of floating.

She gets to open up to the high notes, and *experience* how this man treats her (usually the “best she’s experienced”).

She can simply focus on receiving his care and attention graciously.

When she has lessened the fear of falling, the next step is to bring her Empowered Masculine energy with her on the way up.

One of my favorite ways to do this is having a woman soften their body and feel the floor or a chair supporting them.

When she is focusing on the ways she can “receive support” even if it is from a stranger’s smile or the floor beneath her feet, it will be easier to shift into her feminine energy which is naturally more animated.

In this way, she becomes available to experience each moment happening around her when the support is coming from within.

Bringing her own masculine energy in to support her does two things.

It allows her to see things more objectively, instead of through the lens of her fight/flight response. She may be able to see how the man she is with is showing up for her (or not) and she will be able to act intuitively based on this information without overthinking.

The fear of falling from these new heights will feel like less of a risk because she will always be able to depend on her Empowered Masculine energy to act in her best interest (sometimes that means not seeing a man again if she feels bad around him or setting a boundary to support herself).

Because her support is coming from a consistent source inside, she will experience less anxiety and more trust in herself. This frees a man to use the energy he would have been using to stabilize her (or enforce his own boundaries) to recreate this joyful experience with/for her. She will have the best chance of seeing the real him because she isn’t unconsciously expecting *this man* to let her down.

Having her masculine energy in charge while a woman is dating lets her experience the playfulness of a child on a trampoline instead of the fear of constant rejection.

Because she is validating herself, the outcome of dates is not a reflection of her but the goodness of fit.

As a woman learns how to do this, it increases her trust within herself and she naturally attracts men that want to make her happy and it’s a matter of time from there...

What I know about men is that healthy men cherish a woman’s happiness.

They are drawn to it and will do almost anything to protect it because it nourishes them on a deep level.

From this new perspective, she can relax and play and really “be herself” on dates.

She trusts her own happiness is in *her* hands and men love to support a woman that knows this.

This is my specialty.

I have a transformational series that teaches creative, empathetic women how to build the feeling of support from within using their own masculine energy so their feminine energy can shine in dating.

These 5 modules break down the internal shifts needed to heal the relationship she has with her masculine energy so she can begin to trust herself in any situation and be less afraid of messing up.

This content is available in a self-study format or with 1:1 coaching support so you can create a deeper transformation.

If you’re ready to learn how to support yourself in feeling happier in the early stages of dating so others can as well, Email me (CSchandNutrition@gmail.com) “I’m ready to feel happier”.

I’ll ask a few questions to know how to best support you and get you started with the materials right away.