The Counterintuitive Reason Attracting the "Right Man" (One that loves you the way you desire) is Challenging

When a woman wants to experience more of her (empowered) feminine energy in attracting men who are rooted in their own sense of masculinity (they have enough stability in who they are that are capable of nurturing her and thus *enhancing* her life, not just providing company) the first relationship she must challenge is her own relationship to masculine energy.

The women who find my work have had some years of therapy and are familiar with how emotions work but they have a hard time feeling secure and confident as they enter the dating pool. 

They’ve been practicing communicating their “feminine energy” only to get stuck in back-and-forths with pleasant-enough men on dating apps that never seem to materialize as first dates.

What she needs most is to be able to identify healthy, empowered masculine energy (especially what it looks like in herself). 

The reason she is not able to “magnetize” masculine men is that she hasn’t fully integrated her own masculine energy. 

These are her boundaries. 

Her willingness to remove herself/her attention from actions and behaviors that do not facilitate her feeling amazing. 

The relationship dynamic she has with her own masculine energy is often mirroring the experience she has with men (i.e. “he” is slow to make a move even though the coast seems clear) subconsciously confirming the lack of trust, claiming, and protection she most desires.

She will project this distrust onto men at large and maybe remove herself from the dating pool when she gets tired of trying. 

When a woman wants to be “more feminine”, it’s more often the case that she wants to *feel* cared for.

(Much of the “feminine energy” teaching can lead otherwise empowered women to lead with child-like energy because she isn’t sure what healthy masculine energy looks like as a woman and assume it makes her “masculine”). 

Since she has a weak connection to her own masculine energy, the type of feminine energy she will be revealing will be attractive to the wrong type of men for her- either ones she has to mother and care for or men with unhealed wounds that she tolerates because of she can see the “best in people”. Both of these are often rooted in a less mature version of her feminine energy.

But contrary to what you’ve heard, integrated men aren’t intimidated by “masculine” traits like financial success, being able to make decisions, having preferences, etc. In fact, these are all ways masculine energy supports a woman and when *she* brings them to the table (in an integrated way), they allow her to feel *more* feminine. The difference is in her ability to receive support. 

 An adult woman doesn’t need to be afraid of being too “masculine”, she simply needs to learn how to receive (from herself first). 

This will look like using her decisiveness to make momentary decisions to stay aligned with her values, leveraging her financial success to feel free to leave jobs and situations that don’t support her, and expressing preferences that facilitate her well-being. 

When a woman wants to attract a masculine man, she needs to begin integrating her masculine energy because as in tribal situations, men are willing to follow another strong man especially while they learn something from them. 

In the dating pool, men coming into your world don’t know how to love you. (*Not because they are incompetent*) You’re new to them so they are looking to you (your masculine energy) for cues to support your heart in softening with him.

It’s not even that he has to be able to do everything you do for yourself, but the more of your own needs you are willing to prioritize, the better chance you have of finding someone who is on the same level as you.

A common pattern I discover with my clients is they have a pattern (especially with new men) of prioritizing politeness while downplaying their deepest needs when they are in the early stages of getting to know a man. 

This can be as simple as how they typically respond when men (or anyone) is making an effort on their behalf. 

Almost always, it’s a missed opportunity for an exchange of energy- the spark of connection. 

For example,  someone will open the door for her and she will walk through.  

Or her date will compliment her for something that impresses him and she may politely say, “thank you” and move the conversation along.

Or she will want to have time to focus on something she’s passionate about but she finds herself volunteering for things that make sure her time is spoken for. 

None of these examples seem remarkable, they are all very polite and yet she’s missed the opportunity to *experience* feeling cared for.

When she has a daily practice of receiving (even from herself), opening the door can be met with a gracious smile, a kind word has somewhere to land because she is willing to entertain positive feedback instead of dismissing it, and when she needs time to dedicate to her own dreams, she feels empowered to decline projects that distract her from her vision (even if that’s an afternoon nap). 

The way a woman responds- based on how secure she feels on the inside- in the early stages of dating will set the stage for the next act. When she learns how to support herself from the inside out, she can put away her guardedness in exchange for tenderness and warmth (both of which are alluring to a masculine man).

I teach the art of inner security in my favorite program, Arise: the Art of Empowered Relationships. I have 3 spaces available this month if you’re ready to learn how men actually see you (trust me, you won’t need to be “more feminine” when you make this shift). 

Together, we will spend 30 days increasing your awareness to your own relationship patterns, including how your masculine energy has been supporting (or not supporting) you in finding the right type of guy for you. This intensive course includes 5 modules, 4- 90 min weekly calls, companion emails to help you stay on track and share empowering mindset shifts along the way, and unlimited virtual support for deeper integration. 

The women who start feeling different right away have done some emotional healing but find it difficult to enter into a new relationship because they have a habit of losing themselves later on or stopping the emotional intimacy when they lose their confidence in “conflict” or “uncomfortable conversations”. 

DM me if you’re ready to get started.