The Two Energies You May Be Bringing on a Date That Turn Him off
There are two energies that show up on a date that keeps a healthy man from wanting to build something long-term: the child and the other ‘man’ (this actually has nothing to do with being a parent or gender).
These two energies within a woman will be a big red flag for him because most men aren’t on a dating app looking to adopt someone who is ready to hand over the reins to her life, nor will he want to constantly be competing with another masculine energy to lead the relationship.
A woman’s awareness of this will give her the best possible chance of building a deep, long-lasting connection with an empowered masculine man.
All romantic relationships require polarity: masculine and feminine, and finding where on that spectrum feels most authentic for you is the ‘goal’.
When a relationship is just beginning it’s so easy for a woman to get excited by what she perceives as a sign of interest from the man she feels attracted to (and sometimes not).
She may spend hours scrolling through the play-by-play of their interaction and enroll her friends as well in the “what does this mean” conversation.
It feels exciting and lively, this is just “what girls do”, right?
What she needs to know to navigate this part of the process in a way that serves her best interest is what’s happening internally.
For most women, when there’s a new source of interest, it can become all-consuming.
It triggers her at a primal level and can feel intoxicating.
This feels so exciting to her inner child and yet when she doesn’t know this, that same version of her is the one that’s running the show.
The higher the level of excitement, the more willing she will be to be accommodating to keep it going.
And often this will work against her in the long run.
But this is the default setting in most women I work with.
The instinctive need to be pleasing and chosen will be running just below her conscious awareness causing her to behave in ways that don't reveal what a man is needing to experience to stay engaged (spoiler alert: it's not sex).
This programming comes from years of modeling: movies, family dynamics, and media are all she’s seen so she’s confused about what it ‘means’ when he stops calling or starts to become distant.
What she needs most is to strengthen her own masculine energy.
Not the kind that pummels him with interrogating questions, corrects him, or offers to overextend herself to make him more comfortable (paying for more than she feels happy doing, making all the plans, driving across town when she isn’t familiar with that area, etc.), but the one that shows up to support *her*.
Bringing her Empowered Masculine (EM) energy to the date is like bringing a babysitter to a wedding- it’s going to be a lot more fun for the kids and the parents.
When she can feel her own masculine energy is empowered- tending to her emotional needs and giving her permission to ask for what she needs- and has her back, she is actually able to soften her body and lead with her femininity.
This is the adult version of her Feminine Energy that men WANT to get to know.
And because the child is being seen and chosen on the inside, by her own masculine energy, she can tap into that playful energy in a way that is flirty and intriguing to an empowered man.
This is such an important shift for a woman who is wanting to date for commitment to make because it is during the initial phase of dating when she will be most needing to gather important details.
Like how consistently he is capable of showing up, what he says he is “looking for”, and noticing things that don’t quite line up with her dreams (like maybe he wants to travel the world and she dreams of settling down in her hometown), etc.
She needs her intuition online to discern how to navigate the first 3 months and when to set boundaries that keep her moving toward relationships that are best for her.
The focus on this time is to tend to her inner child (learning what triggers her and how she's soothed) so that she can observe the man across from her.
Without her EM energy, it will be more difficult for her to hear the voice of her intuition over the cries of the Child.
In this way, her own masculine energy amplifies her femininity.
It’s a common fear that if she gives her masculine energy more power, she will show up as the “other man” I mentioned.
But this simply doesn’t happen.
When masculine energy is empowered, it is always in service of the Feminine (both the child and Empowered Feminine).
This is true for most (note: there are not good men and this doesn't apply to them) men in the world as well as within herself.
Many women don’t have experience with this being true and so it feels scary to give power away even if it’s the safest thing her Feminine energy can do.
Trust requires surrender so both parties experience power and safety.
Both are safe and powerful or neither are safe nor powerful (paraphrase Alison Armstrong).
This is Empowered Relating.
And Good Men really want to commit to this.
What actually happens when she builds a deep bond of trust in her own masculine energy is she is willing to expose even more of her authentic heart.
When a woman has her own EM energy activated, her Empowered Feminine energy Arises like a lighthouse in the dating pool.
Because empowered people are naturally drawn to other empowered people, it will be easier for the right men to find her.
Having her own support in place will give her the curiosity to be a safe listener, the courage to request what she needs, and the confidence to leave the table if the negotiation is going to compromise her queendom, because she's not needing anything to feel stable.
The more she is able to support herself from within, the more ease she will experience out in the world because EM energy in everyone will be drawn to her (seemingly randomly).
She continues to put herself first, in a grounded way (keeping herself happy), and this keeps her highly attractive to an EM man.
It is by rebuilding trust between her inner child and her own masculine energy that the most radiate version of herself, the Empowered Feminine, is able to Arise.
This is counterintuitive and this is my specialty.
I teach this transformation step-by-step in my 4-week program, Arise.
Module 1: A brief intro to Masculine and Feminine energies in creating healthy relationship dynamics. Gain awareness around how your thoughts and emotions have been shaping your current experience with life, work, relationships, and romance.
Module 2: Learning to trust yourself again by shifting your relationship with the “parts” of yourself that will help you feel simultaneously more stable and expansive.
Begin identifying the voices of wounds within yourself and others. When you learn to listen for red flags, you gain discernment which prevents unnecessary reinjury and builds trust in your ability to intuitively respond to any situation.
Module 3: The key to feeling stable regardless of the situation is the awareness of “what’s happening” internally- developing moment-by-moment intimacy- so you are emotionally available to experiences you previously were not aware of.
Understanding the core drivers of the Masculine and the Feminine and the ways we cripple each of them internally so you can leverage their natural gifts to support your healing.
Gain insight around where your “bags” got packed and begin creating supportive practices to release strong emotions and beliefs based in trauma to return to tenderness safely.
Module 4: Knowing how to recognize and attract healthy partners is the key to creating the life you desire most. Learn how to move through the world in a way that brings out the best in both you and others so your dreams become a collaborative effort instead of a constant hustle. This starts with creating an empowering partnership with your own Masculine and Feminine energy by honoring the natural needs/expression of each in a way that supports your highest version of yourself.
The women that create the best results from this have often done a lot of healing work but find themselves continuing to feel stuck in the same experiences or fears.
They know they are capable of much more but have a hard time ‘staying the course’ to bigger levels of “success”- choosing “safe” relationships (guys they aren’t actually attracted to, jobs they’re overqualified for, or not putting their creations out in the world) out of fear of rejection.
They are the go-to support person to their friends and family and are generous with their time, resources, and energy, and secretly long for that to be reciprocated.
This is powerful knowledge for a woman that feels stuck or mired in the dating pool or for women in relationships that feel stale.
This is available via self-study or with additional 1:1 support which is intended for clarification, support specific to your situation, and deeper healing/transformation.
If this feels like a good fit, email me at CSchandNutrition@gmail.com and let me know what you’re hoping to gain from the program and, if you are looking for extra support, I’ll make sure it’s the right fit and get started.
